Monday, October 31, 2005
that time of the month.
PFFFFFFFFFFFT.
i was so dead tired.
had barely a few hours of sleep.
skipped mob tutorial.
seriously couldnt wake up.
struggled through school.
itab sucked as usual.
but surprisingly i completed what i needed to do.
amazing huhh?
for the FIRST time.
i usually wun bother to do.
oh yeah. got to sch just in time for break.
met zixuan for lunch.
hahas. he's a bitch la.
yeaps. ate at fc6.
oh wells. he complains a lot la.
COMPLAIN KING.
but he's fun to hang out with.
sch ended at 5.
right on the dot.
stupid sim mun wah
kuku.
i dont like him.
kick him in the mouth.
i know i'm MEAN.
but he deserves it.
BORING day.
I DIDNT GO CLUBBING.
UGGGGGGGGGGGH.
the heart lingers...
Sunday, October 30, 2005
training today.
helped dale and trained a bit.
sailed the radial today.
lotsa rope burns. wth =/
and i'm burnt again. wahhaas.
today was fun.
met new peeps again.
SP alumni sailors came down.
finally met jun khee and solomon.
the ever so spoken of alumni. hahas.
it was hella fun today! x)
oh and i brought amanda along.
so she got a feel of wad sailing is like.
there was a major fuss got this guy there.
hahhas. major gossiping session.
got the current batch rather close.
hahahas. and we really had so much fun.
town-ed after training.
had dinner together.
me, angie, amanda, zixuan and dale.
after that angie and dale left.
amanda me and zixuan wanted to watch a movie.
but didnt do so in the end.
cos amanda was really sleepy.
so we headed home.
heh. fruitful day.
and i think i did better today.
in terms of stamina.
but my tactics was rather bad.
really hope i'm not losing it.
still getting use to the laser.
oh wells. i gotta go.
school tomorrow! can't wait.
hahahas. should be fun! x)
Saturday, October 29, 2005
was so tired i only managed to get outta bed at like 2. lazed around and confirmed my meeting time with dale. so yeah. by 230 i got out of my room to look for food. thank god my mom cooked so yeah. quickly ate and went to shower. dad came home in the meantime so managed to get him to send me.
was late when i got to tanah merah.
but thankfully dale wasnt early too.
so he didnt wait too long.
and as usual, he's nice.
so he wasn't angry. hahas. x)
took a cab to nsrcc.
got the forms, filled it in.
i was being a total bitch.
was just too stoned la. no mood.
and i was dissing dale like crazy.
AND I DIDNT HAVE TO PAY.
the rest of them had to pay.
LALALALALA
that's for being an SAFYC memeber!
IN YOUR FACE.
arranged for the shuttle to pick us up.
headed down to dhoby.
met amanda and went to church.
sacred heart again.
we got there 15mins late.
and mass ended half an hour later.
was real quick. hahas.
dale left after. he's got dinner with his 'rents.
amanda and i headed to town.
NOOCH-ed.
it's been awhile.. but it was satisfying.
i ALMOST forgot bout my seminar.
rushed down after dinner.
so that means i couldn't shop. danngs.
last month's cheque's ready.
will collect it next week from adri,
cos i've training tmr so i wun be going.
and yes. TRAINING tmr.
blahblahblah.
i hafta bring so many things please.
butbutbut. AMANDA'S COMING!
double YAYY! hahahas.
wonder how it'll be tomorrow.
should be loads of fun.
and hopefully dale doesnt drive crazily again.
heh. i don't wanna get injured again.
probably wear my lycra tomorrow.
im peeling so badly.
don't want others to get all disgusted.
*YAWNS.
it'll be an early night tonight.
you raised me up, but pulled me down so quickly. so much hope, all crashed within seconds.
Friday, October 28, 2005
i'm not feeling good at all.
i'm slipping real bad.
i really don't know if today was a good idea at all.
sorta felt it shouldn't have happened.
siggh. i feel like i'm caught in the web of love.
tangled in much thought and confusion.
i need your saving hand.
BLARGGHS.
met jonathan in the morning for breakfast.
that means i only had 3 hrs of sleep.
he came over to watch goal.
it din seem as nice as the 1st time i watched it.
but it still carried the touching flavour.
headed to town to meet jill.
JILL! YOU'RE A SWINE.
THE BIGGEST BITCH ON EARTH!
lunched at marche.
chilled at macs, suntec.
then it's off to town again.
met amanda, shyam and teo xu,
and amanda's other friends.
ANDANDAND! I MET JACLYN!
OMG! MY CHILDHOOD FRIEND.
she's hawt please. so pretty
and TALL! havent seen her in eons.
slept on the bus while on my way home.
was dead beat tired. =// accks.
feeling rather lethargic right now.
barely keeping my eyes open.
i'm thinking too much,
i've got too much up there.
siggh. i'm confused really.
i need some fresh air.
show me the way.
give me some light.
light up my path.
you wore everything i bought for you. it reminds me so much of the good times, i've had with YOU.
Thursday, October 27, 2005
it's pouring so heavily,
it's as though the town's flooding.
the lightning strikes again and again.
this morning i woke up in fright.
bad dreams again.
then it struck me real hard.
i missed the times you were there..
to give me assuring hugs,
and tell me it was all ok.
i decided to stay in today.
didnt have the mood to go out.
so i kept myself busy with movies.
watched a total of four.
finally caught the russell peters video.
hahas. hella comical. good laugh.
den i watched goal! and a walk to remember.
slipped into depression.
and i cried a couple of times.
couldn't help it.
den i watched mr deeds. x)
what a day huhh?
isk asked me out but i refused.
was too lazy to get out of the house.
i sorta got answers i wanted.
yupps. and surprisingly,
i was hurt. but not as much as i thought.
like i've mentioned...
i left part of me back there.
but i'm doing just fine.
i shall not harbour hope.
because it probably has died.
predict not the future.
only god knows...
and i do miss you.
i've quite a clouded mind.
i've gotta get out tomorrow.
blargghs.
i'm convincing dale..
not to have trainings on sat.
i'm lazy. hahahas.
i don't mind training on sun.
and he's making me race for mmr.
i so don't wanna humiliate myself.
hella gonna make a fool outta myself.
haven't been training and stuff.
but it doesnt seem like i have a choice.
i probably will hafta race.
trying to pull off a weekday training.
blargghs.
dale you nehnehpok!
i'm hustled in thought.
i'm kinda afraid of what the future brings.
i've suddenly taken a step back.
thought bout things and only fear lingers.
it's quite scary really.
but i guess i've gotta be brave.
independence was my forte.
i shall live up to my rep.
though i'm still rather puzzled.
how a person can move on so quickly.
that change of heart.
the things people do to hurt.
how people's tastes change,
together with their character and personality,
till they become unrecognisable.
nis, i totally understand now.
how you felt back then.
i realise the exact same thing's repeating itself.
UNFORTUNATELY.
may god show the way.
the right way.
ps: i'm filled with disgust for those who cannot speak english properly. you're sucha disgrace to those who speak the language. pffft. SO ANNOYING. (in that bimbo accent)
i'm confused.where are you?
pissed.
i typed a whole chunk.
now it's gone.
i'll try to recap as best as i can.
the emptiness hits me.
i'm starting to miss you dearly.
but i know it won't happen again.
you said it was never meant to be btw us.
and i agreed with you.
it was probably just a passing phase.
nevertheless, i enjoyed the times with you.
and i learnt truckloads from our ups and downs.
bottomline is i miss your company and the fun times.
many a times i was tempted to send you a "i miss you" msg.
but i had to withhold myself.
because i know what we had was long gone.
sadness sets in but i'll be fine.
TODAY.
met amanda and headed to town.
went to look for dale.
den went to a lan shop to get my gems done.
i was so frustrated and pissed.
all the gems i wanted to do were already taken up.
and i was left with shitty ones.
thank god i still got one pretty cool one,
which i didnt mind taking.
but yea. it was just so unfair larhs.
my appointment was so late.
so i got all the lousy ones. =/
anyhows,
after that we had my craved for KFC.
today was simply TOTAL INDULGENCE.
den we went to watch legend of zorro.
i swear that lil boy (zorro's son) was SOOO CUTE!
hahahs. i could pinch his cheeks man.
he had such nice eyes that were to die for.
after the show we walked over to heeren
and i had my sotong head from old chang kee.
hahas. i told you!!! i was on an indulgence spree.
after which we went to coffee bean.
and i had iced tea and CHEESECAKE.
the amount of fat i put into my body is UNIMAGINABLE.
the amount of exercise i need to do to work it all off.
hahahahahas.
EAT 1st TALK LATER. =x
I OUGHT TO BE SHOT.
i've been living on the edge.
rather satisfied with myself.
but getting accustomed to singlehood.
learning not to rush into things.
and taking things within my stride.
i'm simply trying to have my fun.
yeapps! despite the occasional slips.
but i'll get by. yupps! xDD
on the way home i called adam.
hahas. he's just sucha bitch larhs.
it's more or less confirmed we're clubbin on the 31st.
but we're unsure of where.
cos he said there's another party at boat quay.
that we can decide later larhs.
but it looks like i've got myself a dance partner.
*WINKS.
you've got me dazzled.SAILING is MY LIFE.
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
i woke up not feeling right again.
but it was much better than yest.
i reckon i needa do something today.
or the outcome will be just like yest.
i need a beeeeg HUGG.
i need someone basically.
LOVE ME. hahas.
i sound so desperate.
JUST KIDDING LARHS.
though the fact is,
i DO miss you.
it'll be ok.
no plans for today YET.
trying to tempt nis out..
or maybe wait for dale to finish sch.
den i'll go out with him or something.
boring luhhs. pfft.
maybe i should go over to grandma's.
should i? maybe i should.
pay her a visit too.
i'll give it some thought.
i'm starting to peel.
ON MY FACE.
YUCK! -growls.
i'm looking ugly. heh.
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
hahahas. damn the title.
but the grapes i'm eating now's
DARN SWEET. SHIOK-ED.
gloomy day today.
stayed home...
hahahas. YES!
i FINALLY broke the trend,
of going out consecutively everyday.
it was raining so heavily,
i decided to stay in as well.
it was so gloomy i swear.
was so sleepy and stuff.
started thinking and reminiscing.
i swear it wasn't good.
made me slip into depression.
but i shall not sucuumb to temptation
and submit myself to defeat.
so yeah. i shall be strong and live strong.
dependence is a shear weakness.
anyone can overcome it.
be not afraid to be alone.
independence RAWKS.
arghs.
that's bout it larhs.
i'm still tolerating the burns.
hope the pain will vanish soon.
POOOOOF!
i don't want it to peel.
but i guess i don't have much of a choice.
oh yeah.
no training tomorrow.
yayy? hahahas.
but i'll need to find something to do.
i don't want another gloomy day.
that's it for now.
just to let you see a burnt me.
thanks to the flash, i don't look too burnt.
practically stayed home the whole day yest.
nursed my pains.
but i couldnt stay in any longer.
went for dinner with amanda and shyam at gardens.
and i had my well deserved bandung
nis called when i was leaving gardens.
went to meet her in geylang.
shaz was there too. went to kfc to bitch.
and had nice whipped potato.
den went to walk around a bit.
was bitching on the phone with dale.
hahahhahas. TYPICAL ST PATS BOY.
oh! and i had another bandung!
it's BANDUNG DAY! YAYY!
made him call me on the way back home too.
and we talked for a total of 5 and a half hours?
yeahh. AMAZING man. hahas.
talked a lot bout sailing and stuff.
i shall not divulge personal stuff.
it simply stops here.
im in pain.
couldn't sleep properly.
my face feels icky.
it's gonna start peeling soon.
UGGGH.
anyways,
i woke up in flutters.
i've been having dreams.
i know it's not regrets.
but i'm suddenly starting to miss.
miss you.
i don't know.
i'm sure i'll get over it. x)
no plans for today.
shall rot for as long as i can take it. xD
Monday, October 24, 2005
wilson and me. after sailing.
forgot his name. =x me and er..
forget her name too!
SP sailing team at sunset.
with MR PRESIDENT. aka. F.O.S.
wilson, angie, me, and the two others i forgot.
CANDID. i hella wasnt prepared.
me and angie! x) IJ BABES!
training yest.
wasn't supposed to sail.
was suppose to slack on powerboat,
and shout at most.
but ended up sailing.
due to my forgetfulness,
(din put on sun block)
i'm freakin BURNT.
and it hurts like crazy.
ALSO,
thanks to DALE HO SHEN HAI,
who PURPOSELY did a sudden swerve,
and ACCIDENTALLY hit a wave,
i've bruised my knee, thigh, arms
and have abrasive cuts on my fingers.
yes. my knee hurts most,
cos i used it to break fall and crashed it.
anyways, i'm NOT blaming him.
I SWEAR.
it just hurts like crazy.
yes. and i'm BATMAN now.
hahahas. cos i got burnt while wearing my oakleys.
funny. and there's this other girl,
i don't know how to spell her name.
she's robin. hahhas. cos she had that tanline too!
anyhows, yesterday was really fun.
training was at poly marina.
that's at west coast.
met a lotta new peeps.
those in the SP sailing team.
took some pictures. really nice.
took the sunset too!
i'm suffering in pain right now.
think i wun be going out today.
and yes. i was so tired last night,
i fell asleep while watching tv in my 'rents room.
i totally din know how i got to my room.
and i'm really sorry to those who called.
really wasnt paying attention.
couldnt exactly remember who called.
of cos i remembered dumbdumb called.
hahahahas. cos i was pretty awake by 2+
talked for some bits. hear him BITCH.
den yeaps. it's off to bed again.
and i din wake up till like 12+?
so yeah. from like 9+/10 till like 12+
that's a hell load of sleep.
yeaps! and i'm so dead.
training again on wed.
i'm so not in shape.
HOWHOWHOW?
oh wells. will see how.
may just not go.
dun wanna die so early. heh.
that's bout it.
it's pretty rare that i get to use the com.
so yupps. i'll blog when i can.
there's nothing on my mind to blog bout,
so yeaa... it's just my crappy ongoing stuff.
sorry. just had to share. xDD
Saturday, October 22, 2005
been so tired.
slept at 5+ after a phone call.
woke up like 2+?
hahahas. lazed around
den headed out to church with dale.
yes. he's damn nice luhhs.
went to sacred heart in town.
had BK for dinner.
den went for my seminar.
training tmr!
west coast.
hafta check that place out.
not gonna sail though.
body still recovering.
but it's much better now.
thanks to the struggled movements.
gonna just slack on the powerboat.
thinking of whether to join the in-house race.
kick some asses.
show them wad racing's all about.
those ego bastards.
but then again i'm lazy.
and it's just 2 weeks away.
i'll seeeeee how.
my life ain't that eventful.
been reflecting quite a bit.
pretty thankful for my current situation.
school's gonna start soon.
should get more exciting. ;)
when you're single,
anything goes.
there's so much leeway,
you get to do what you want to.
people tend to be nicer, (specifically guys)
cos they know you're not attached,
they've nothing to worry about.
hahas. but it's sad.
i'm deterring potential guys.
cos apparantly i know too many?
like wth. this is NOT good.
sorry. that wasnt an ego booster yea?
and i seriously DON'T think so highly of myself.
sheeesh. i should shut up.
you seem so concerned, you seem so nice. you've got me mesmerised.
im in pain.
all over.
body aches.
injuries. danngs.
i almost couldnt get outta bed dis morn.
but i managed to pull myself out.
lunch at gramps,
towned with the girls,
den with amanda, isk + friends and nis.
today was fun.
but i was struggling.
totally in pain.
was frustrating cos i kept hurting myself.
jabbed my toe with the pool cue
(that's dumb i know. purely accidental)
knocked here and there.
was so weak i couldnt even open the door.
anyhows,
it's getting better after much movement.
on the overall, today was fun.
unsure of my plans for tmr yet.
but im sure i'll find something to do.
danngs. i've yet to stay in.
been out every single day.
blargghs.
i need new gloves.
and low cut booties.
oh yeah. and so many pple wanna join sailing.
so funn! hahas.
the new generation of sailing!
ROXOR. it's not bad! ;)
a whole new sailing environment.
cooooooooool! FUNFUNFUN.
xDDD
i should just stop here.
on the phone right now.
i just can't help but think of you. ever since the day i met you.
Thursday, October 20, 2005
MY ASS HURTS!
yes.. i'm back to the seas.
it was rather welcoming though.
besides the injuries. hahas.
okae. more like bruises.
sailing was fun.
and yeah. x) dale was nice luhh.
just mean verbally.
the teasing and stuff.
but on the whole it was fun!
and it's good to be back!
i seriously lost my stamina.
gotta build it up.
can't hike out for long.
but i still remember how to sail.
just a bit rusty. hahas. x)
and yes. i've FINALLY sailed a laser.
yes. a bit slow larhs.
but at least i've achieved it.
my gloves and booties are missing.
as in my mid cut booties.
danngs. gotta look for it.
or else i've gotta buy a new one.
and cos i din wanna look too pro today,
i din bring my hiking pants.
and now my ass hurts.
yes. now you know WHY.
blargghs. big mistake.
went to changi village for dinner
together with the ngee ann sailors.
den headed back home.
it's nice meeting new people.
though some are irritating and rather annoying.
AND AND AND!
i've got a tan!
but it's quite sad cos there're tan lines.
ahhh wtf. i'm darker now.
shall get a more even tan soon.
out with the babes tmr.
my wallet is freakin' empty.
*growls. oh wells. it's not stopping me.
oh yeahh!
dale's really nice?
cos he said he'll gimme how many cca pts i want.
YAYNESS! xDDD
everything's really great right now.
i'm enjoying my freedom.
and i feel so much more accomplished.
i'm HAPPY! yayyy!
alrights. i'm nuts.
lalalalalala.
you've captured my heart.
SINGLEHOOD IS GOOD!
*WHISTLES.
anyhows,
SAILING TOMORROW!
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!
dale's gonna convert me to radial!
and den it's training time.
lalalala.
gotta look for my stuff.
and prepare.
think i'm gonna suck at it.
havent sailed for one and a half years.
blargghs. xPP
gotta read up and refresh my memory.
and im excited bout meeting new peeps.
pool-ed just now.
with dale and ahknees.
met ahknees for dinner 1st.
den isk came with his friends.
and i was hella annoyed by him.
DON'T ASK. pffft.
came back bout 12+
was talking to dumbdumb.
hahahas. he's nice larhs.
fun to talk to also.
bitches like hell. HELLUVA!
i should shut up.
nights sweeties.
freedom rawks my sox.
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
character development - A
effective communication - A
ITAB I - C
Fundamentals of Marketing - C+
danngs.
it's so disappointing.
especially FOM.
that was my love sub. =//
guess i did really badly for the exam paper.
that's why it pulled my grades down.
cos overall i think i got bout a B?
anyhows,
will do better for next sem.
blog later. tas.
5 more hours...
to the release of my results.
lalala.
im nervous yet excited.
watching soccer now.
should i stay up?
blargghs.
i dont know.
i dont care who's right or wrong,
i just don't love you no more.
sometimes i wonder why i tried.
when all those times i knew were lies.
for hope that you would change,
i strived on and bore the pain.
in hope i pierced on,
thinking we'll work out.
sadly it went sour,
and it simply had to end.
love is a tricky thing.
it helps you break through barriers,
do things you never thought you could do, or would do.
sometimes it's a good thing.
but sometimes it just isn't.
and that happens when you're blinded.
you do things you shouldn't have done.
been there done that.
the healing phase is tough.
never let yourself crumble,
find alternatives to relieve that pain.
it'll work. i'm sure it will.
for beyond this line lies a big horizon.
one of many hopes and dreams.
of better opportunities.
have faith.
to
you:
i loved you very much.
i gave up a whole lot just for you.
i naively believed you.
i gave you chance after chance.
i forgave you again and again.
on top of that, i had faith in you.
but unfortunately, you've crushed it all.
all the best to you. may you find your happiness.
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
it's sucha BAD day today!
i scalded my hands TWICE in a FUCKIN day!
one when i was cooking,
scald my right pinkie.
and two when i was scooping soup.
scald my left thumb!
hurts like crazy dammnit.
ugggh.
UNLUCKY.
i have an imbalance of emotions.
i feel lost. confused.
but i'm sure it'll be brighter soon.
it's the initial stage.
but amusingly, i'm coping just fine.
YEAPP. just the monetary factor.
PFFFFFFFFFFFFFT.
yesyes.
i'll be going back to the seas.
SAILING!!!
HERE I COME!!!
dale's gonna convert me to radial.
refresh my memory and den start trainings.
lalalala. cant wait.
own boat, sail, yadayada.
NETWORKING.
hahahas.
i've made a pact with adam.
we're gonna do just that after his Os.
i've already been doing it with amanda and all.
lalalala. and thanks to hazel,
i'm now known as friendster.
do i really know that many pple?
*ponders. i don't quite think so.
i'm rather crappy right now.
blog again later. it's rotting day.
i'm turning into a couch potato. xP
today isnt a good day.
but yea. i've officially ended it.
so yes. in other words, i've DUMPED him.
i know you guys are gonna do the victory dance.
up to you. i'm not in the mood.
i'm irritated.
i'm not in the mood to tan but the sun's so good.
grrrr...
why's dis world so against me currently?
*FUCKED UP.
slept till like 3?
woke up to a roar of nags.
my mom going on bout money and my bills.
uggh. it's so frustrating.
can the world just stop moving for awhile?
so i made my lunch and sat in front of the tv eating.
there she went on and on and on.
and den she called her friend and bitched bout it.
like i havent had enough?
FEEL MY PAIN.
i've no money to go out.
i can't ask money to top up my ezlink,
cos my mom will go on about it.
the only way? grandma.
but i don't wanna make it so obvious it's money that i'm visiting.
it's really bad. siggh.
all these just kill my mood. fuck.
I NEED MONEY.
and den again, i'm so mad.
i havent received my pay yet! UGGH.
that's a quadruple dose of frustration.
ANYHOWS.
i wish the Os are over soon?
so i'll have more friends.
but by then, i'll be back to school.
how ANNOYING.
GROWLS.
i've officially submitted to having to rot at home.
SAVE ME FROM THIS HELL HOLE.
i'm beat.
was on the fone awhile ago.
hung up in a moody tone.
had to rush thru my dad's stuff.
had to design gift vouchers for him.
he wanted it simple so yeaps.
but the details and stuff caused me brain damage.
it was hella tedious.
DESIGNERS, I FEEL YOUR PAIN.
danngs.
i'm really tired.
*yawns.
i can FINALLY get some sleep.
nights peeps.
if only you knew...
cant tell you just yet.
Monday, October 17, 2005
i hella don't know what's wrong with you.
but i know the answer to it all.
it's over. there's nothing left.
no point trying to make things work.
i wonder what you've got up your sleeves.
you've got another girl.
stick with her. stop wanting me back.
and telling the whole wide world it's the other way round.
who promised who to get rid of her?
who was the one cheating on me?
who was the one who still wanted it to work?
who asked me not to leave?
geees.
anyhows,
you called me in the morn and scolded me?
like what the fuck?
i was still half asleep aights?
grrr...
and so i'm announcing.
it's officially
OVER for us.
you
DIDN'T keep your promise.
and you're no longer you.
you've changed so much.
i don't recognise you anymore.
i don't know you too.
there's just nothing left.
the distance has grown so much.
so yeah.
thanks for everything.
i really appreciated the past.
but it's time to move on.
we can still be friends of course.
and i'll leave that to you to decide.
went swimming again today!!!
at amanda's place. hahaas.
den hit town.
had a wail of a time. x)
i realised..
if you've found the right clique of friends,
whatever troubles you have,
as long as you know how to let go and have fun,
they can take all your pain away.
you'll simply enjoy yourself!
sadly, singaporeans just don't know how to let loose.
and i guess i'm slowly learning how to.
i've learned how to cope with stress and my problems.
and i guess i've got
GOD to thank. xDD
lalala.
i've got my eyes on YOU. ; )
Sunday, October 16, 2005
i dont like my hair.
it feels so.. empty.
grrrr...
that hair stylist chopped off too much!
my pony tail's sooo thin!
danngs.
i feel so naked.
*growls.
it's gonna take me awhile to accept it.
i look like a fuckin AHLIAN now.
FUCKFUCKFUCK.
i'm so bored please.
ENTERTAIN ME LARHS.
before i start blogging nonsense.
it really sucks when you've no fuckin money.
i dried up my monthly allowance in freakin 2 weeks!
arghs. and i'm still waiting for my pay to come in.
expecting bout 300 bucks. ugghs.
and shit. results are out on wed!
0830. blargghs.
wonder what my GPA will be like.
no use fretting. hahas.
but i really wanna know..
wednesday! faster come!
i foresee i wun be out much this week.
unless i can find a source of income.
fwahahhas. and that doesnt mean stealing.
and i so needa change my layout.
and that reminds me. PHOTOSHOP!
so needa get the software. always forgetting.
lalalala. i should stop my nonsense.
OUT.
BLOG FIGHT! x 3!!!
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!
hahahahas.
i'm ecstatic.
SHOOT ME.
ehhs.
stop being childish.
it's a free fuckin world damn it.
FREEDOM OF SPEECH.
i say what i want.
take it or leave it SLUT.
urms, if you din know.
he's never broken up with me whatsoever.
you want him, you can take him.
MUAHAHAHAS.
i ain't "BEGGING" for him back.
i've got better things on my list yea?
seriously, if you can't speak english,
DON'T.
you're making a fool out of yourself.
gawdddamnit.
you're a laughing stock on your own.
people are using your blog as a...
means of a laughing fit?
muahahahahahas.
look at yourself larhs.
fugly slut.
sheeeesh.
i shall stop commenting.
i'm mean.
ANYHOWS.
it was plain sleeping day today.
skipped mass. =// danngs.
actually promised amanda i'd be at church.
but i just couldnt wake up.
went over to gramp's for lunch.
den over to HIS place.
got back awhile ago.
BORING.
thinking bout it,
i wasnt passing racist remarks.
it was mainly at mats+minahs,
bengs and lians alike.
specifically to those who can't speak proper english.
hmmm? yepp.
i need my dose of debates.
babes!!! i need you!
we needa bitch and talk political.
i need intellectual speech.
lacking of it.
simply surrounded by dumb fucks.
i think i've enough doses of ecstacy.
prettaye hyped up right now.
needa tame...
ROARRR.
I NEED TO TRAVEL PLEASE.
CALIFORNIA PLEASE?
I WANNA GO BACK THERE!!!
too bad summer's way over.
wanna surf at santa cruz!!!
revisit the lovely beach. *SEDAP.
den again,
i do respect the malay language.
hmmm. i just despise peeps who cant speak
their respective languages properly.
*NODS.
my friends and i have unanimously agreed,
and have arrived at a consensus,
you're bullcrapping.
oh sheeeesh.
try shutting me..
my gap not yours. mofo.
you're a bitch? not fit to be one.
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAS.
AHHH. *SMIRKS.
on a personal note.
i'm feeling rather confused.
one. i'm not taking this lying down.
two. i just can't seem to trust.
three. the distance has grown. so obvious.
four. i'm unsure of my feelings.
five. i just don't know anymore.
*GROWLS.
seminar today.
finally got to see the new place at hdb hub.
really nice office cum classrooms cum everything.
hahahhas. furnishings were just veh nice.
cut my hair!
like finally larhs.
took money from my mom.
just had no choice.
needed to chop the split ends away.
RARRR!
decided to just try a new salon.
de elements at toa payoh.
hella good.
cheaper than my usual hair stylist.
paid only 26. shall go there in future. xDD
lalala.
seriously, i can't stand peeps who can't speak proper english.
but yet they try to impress with their english.
sounds HORRENDOUS.
"simplity", "mie", "eu".
fuck you larhs. get a life.
speak the language you're best at ya?
quit TRYING to impress.
makes you look UGLY.
sorry.
just had to say that. ;)
*SMIRKS.
Saturday, October 15, 2005
I AINT BEGGING.
i DONT need you.
but i still love you la. hahas.
damn it man.
i can live without you.
it's just that it sorta makes it better with you around.
I HOPE.
blardie hell.
you hate me?
hahaahs.
anything larhs. x)
some mad minahs just dont know.
MALAY-ish fucks.
cant speak proper english.
-shakes head.
ROUTINE!
i cant sleep please
hahahs.
my sleeping time is at 4am.
=/ danngs.
i'm falling in love with vertical horizon. (slow.. i know...)
Friday, October 14, 2005
MOOOOODY!
i was sooo whiney and moody today.
uurms. doesnt seem like anything new.
but anyhows,
i was EXTRA aggitated today.
getting irritated frigging easily.
pffft.
met jilly today!
wheeeee
i looooooooooove her! xDDD
she made my day.
i swear she's sucha swine.
hahahas. bitchy bitch.
but she's funnn! eh babe?
we went window shopping at paragon.
yes. jill and her fantasies.
i had to put up with it.
but it was fun.
commenting on every single outfit.
and dreaming of when we'd own it.
lalalalaa.
it's only with her that i can do that.
so i really enjoyed myself.
played pool later..
and i seriously just couldnt play.
got rather pissed.
everything din really seem to go my way today.
just got all fucked up and irritated.
totally lost my mood.
uggh.
it's a BAD day today.
DON'T COMMENT.
DON'T FREAKIN STEP ON MY TOES.
RARRR!
Thursday, October 13, 2005
no sentosa today. =/
amanda couldnt go.
so went over to her place instead.
went swimming. tanned a bit.
the sky was cloudy
so din get much of a tan.
anyhows,
had lots of fun in the pool.
hahahas.
and yeah. messaged him.
was wondering if it was over or not.
and eventually it got better.
said we could meet at night.
got out of the pool when it started to drizzle.
and it was SAUNA time!
wwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeet.
SHIOOK!
after that bathed,
and cabbed to his place.
started off not so nicely.
left his place,
and den went back again.
bahhs.
the ending = we're ok.
things are fine now..
but i'm unsure of tmr.
you promised me what i wanted.
so lets hope you come true with it.
not pinning much hopes.
we'll just wait and see. ;)
lalalalala.
i feel so aggitated.
you know. i realised i'm sucha bitch.
i've fuckin moodswings,
i'm so unpredictable.
i flare up easily (quick-tempered).
and i'm on hell of a sarcastic ass.
acccks.
i think it took quite a bit of you,
to withstand my shit.
and for that,
i can take my hat off to you.
blargghs. that's it for today kids.
I WANT MY MUSHROOM SWISS!
EXTRA CHEESE PLEASE.
so i went out.
went to town.
met a group of peeps.
chilled out at paragon.
someone brought me mushroom swiss!
with EXTRA CHEEEEEESE!
ehhs. mop the floor larhs!
hahahas. oh yeah. onion rings too!
so yeaps. that was my FREE dinner.
after which, went down to parkway.
went to amanda's friend's condo.
shu swen's birthday.
hahahas. talked cock.
damnn funny.
and i saw joshua there.
small world larhs.
he's rachel's friend.
MUNDANE LIFE OF MINE.
hahahahas. so typical.
im blogging bout every single detail man.
anyhows,
we were talking bout ENGLISH just now.
making fun of how pple pronounce words.
hahas. like certificate becomes "cerfiticate",
simplicity becomes "simplity"
hahahas. it was a laughing stock man!
funfunfun.
laadeedaaa.
sentosa tmr!!!
can't wait. niceee.
together with the babes.
not sure if amanda's bringing more friends.
life's getting better for me.
sadly, i still have unresolved matters.
but it'll be over soon.
i'm sure it'll be. x)
CONFIDENCE.
i'm crappin.
shall stop. xD cheeese!
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
BULLSHIT!
uncle berd's birthday was long gone!
fucking liar.
it's about time.
there's no turning back anymore.
it's too LATE!
i don't care anymore.
I JUST DON'T LOVE YOU NO MORE!
this time it's really goodbye.
i've had enough of you two-timing me.
go have fun with your minah gf.
who can't freaking speak english properly.
good luck with the communication.
talk bout english.
-shakes head.
despicable brats.
damn peeps who know the language,
but can't speak properly.
drats. ought to be shot.
my day's been mandatory.
but thanks to YOU,
it's become *POOF!
it's OK. i still can have fun. x)
ugggh.
anyhows,
been rotting at home.
my babe just asked me out.
should i?
hahas. i haven't showered. danngs.
ohh yeah. jill called dis morn!!!
sorry babe. was still sleeping larhs.
=// i usually get awoken by calls.
but surprisingly, i didn't today.
really sorry babe. i miss you so much!
we OUGHT to catch up.
to go or not to go..
towning? no money =/
and someone's bringing dinner for me.
ahahahahas. wokae.
i shall shower and den decide.
tas for now.
and to you LIARS..
you're such losers.
get A LIFE.
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
was too tired to blog last night.
dad was using the net anyhows.
was on the fone till late.
was lots of fun.
laughing and shit. heh.
watched dukes of hazzard yest.
pretty cool movie. yeapps.
i'm not a good critique.
and i believe that it's to each its own.
so i'll just leave it as that.
watch it yourself to find out.
today was awkward though.
but i still enjoyed myself.
trying to block out all the sadness.
din wanna start thinking,
though occassionally i slipped into it.
it was a total mess! [wreckage]
but anyways,
i'm slowly losing feelings for you.
you're just not there anymore.
can't help it. =/
and i wun come back till she's gone.
if you want her, i'll leave humbly.
i wun share and i never will.
ARGGHS.
-screams.
it gets so confusing.
Monday, October 10, 2005
BEEEEG SMILE!!!
today was FUNFUNFUN.
someone really made my day.
and i never knew toys'r'us can be SOOO fun.
hahahas. i'm sure if you're there with the RIGHT peeps.
anyhows,
though you deliberately FORGOT bout me,
i HAVE back-up plans.
and i know how to have MY FUN.
and hell did i ENJOY myself.
there are others willing to make me happy.
skipped my seminar today.
though i was at suntec, i was too lazy to go =x
and i din wanna make peeps wait.
and i'm a sinner.
din go for mass too.
sheeesh.
don't tell my parents.
gotta go for confession =// accks.
lalala.
thanks for making me smile.
*winks.
you know who are you.
oh.. and to the group of you too.
**double winks.
and den again,
I HATE PEEPS WHO CANCEL ON YOU,
FOR NO FUCKING REASON!
and they don't bother to tell you why!
moreover, they refuse to answer your calls,
or simply just reject it.
ughh. it's fuggin irritating. pfft.
Sunday, October 09, 2005
woke up late as usual.
lazed around, cooked lunch,
showered, changed,
left the house for my seminar.
den over to his place.
nothing much really.
barely a few hours and i left.
he wanted to sleep.
had fun after i left though.
but with some awkward situations.
thanks to SOMEONE.
but anyways, it was fun.
somehow i'm thinking,
i've opportunities out there.
and the feelings are fading somehow.
he's no longer there.
it's as good as we're not together.
looks like it'll be over soon.
there's no connection anymore.
he doesn't bother bout me.
and we no longer even meet PROPERLY,
or hang out or go out and have fun.
we're like... aquaintences.
pause.
that's what i'm gonna do.
i should learn to have my own fun.
i don't know what he wants anymore.
being there for him doesn't seem to be enough.
i should make myself scarce.
ah vells.
that's it for today.
tomorrow'll be better.
i'm smiling.
Saturday, October 08, 2005
been thinking...
i'm simply too competitive.
i won't give up easily.
i will not give up until i've had a good fight.
and i guess that's what holds me back.
damnn. i should learn to lose sometimes.
the winning spirit in me just can't die.
anyhows.
i just realised.
why am i always amongst kids?
as in. why am i always the one entertaining them?
or rather, why am i always caught with them?
oh sheesh. forget i said that.
and now i realise why some pple think
that peeps 2 yrs younger than them is considered very young.
i fully understand now.
the mindset, their mentalities, behaviour, maturity...
it's just not up to standard.
*nods. now i know.
i feel all enlightened. hahas.
oh yeah. i'm rather happy too.
you can say i'm mean and evil on this one.
it's cos some couple's fighting.
and not on good terms.
you wun slap me when you know the story.
*winks.
cheerios. i'm off to bed.
muahahahaahahahahahhas.
Friday, October 07, 2005
i feel all crummy.
not feeling too good.
physically and emotionally.
just got back awhile ago.
anyhows...
was prettaye
pissed today.
but i'm controlling...
to think you went to play soccer,
and forgot bout our outing..
that's quite selfish isn't it.
was pissed but i'd let it slip.
i realised... there's no pt arguing.
you just wanna do your things.
and you want things your way.
i'd rather use the soft approach.
if you can't be there, i'd self soothe.
if you can, then so be it.
but really,
i wish i could prolong the period in your uncle's car.
like lock the both of us in..
it'd be immaculate.
but danngs. that will never be reality.
sigggh. just my lil fantasies.
hit town again.
with the babes.
walked around a lot.
bitched a WHOLE lot.
den had dinner and left.
emotionally,
i'm getting stronger.
i think i'd rather be what i was before.
but with a lil strength.
i became too strong.
but i guess it's time to tone down.
i feel that i have to be firm.
but yet again, i need to be
sacrificial.for love, we commit.
looks like i hafta be wad i was before.
give in hmmm?
maybe that'll work.
like i said, the
SOFT approach...
that's it for today.
i have so many things on my mind.
so many things to say.
but it'll all come out repetitive.
hushh now. i shall leave it unsaid.
i've decided.
i'm mentally and emotionally unstable.
making a decision now wouldnt be the best thing to do.
it'll only be rash and impulsive of me.
and i'm probably gonna regret it.
sooo...
i'm gonna go with the flow and see how things go.
when i've finally thought through it carefully,
i'll make my decision and drop the bomb.
the love remains and it's painful.
but i'll bear with it.
for no one knows what the future brings.
let's try and make this work.
if it's meant to be...
Thursday, October 06, 2005
i'm so confused.
3 hrs is a heck of a long time to wait.
I WAITED.you came back fuming mad at me
STILL.and i remained all calm.
and i was so forgiving.
though things improved,
i've no idea how it's gonna work.
things are remaining stagnant.
there's no improvement on your side.
i'm aching crazily.
are you doing anything to ease that pain?
your selfishness is getting to me.
how you don't think for me.
but only for yourself.
and i guess it's true.
sons will always follow in their father's footsteps.
you're immitating him.
footstep for footstep.
you're drifting apart from me.
I DONT KNOW.*PULLS HAIR.
TELL ME WHAT TO DO.
KNOCK SENSE INTO ME.
MY MIND'S RUNNING WILD.
I'M GOING BERSERK.
FUCK THE WORLD. BITCH.
FUCK LOVE.
FUCK EVERYTHING.
SAVE ME FROM THIS BURNING HELL.
i'm filled with angst.
hurt. depression.
love. confusion.
so many emotions.
all mixed in one heart.
i need a remedy.
soothe the pain...
this isnt the first,
nor the second,
nor the third.
it's been countless.
danngs.
you freakin bastard.
plans you've ruined.
argghs.
it's SOOOO
EXPECTED.anyhows,
i can still have
MY FUN.i'm starting to consider really
moving on.what's the point really?
you're barely even
THERE.you say we'd spend time...
BULLSHIT.*spits.
sorry. i'm just
disgusted.most ungentlemanly behaviour.
worse than dog's faeces.
sheeeesh.
it's great hogging the com again.
hahahas. it's my bros' exam period.
and yeaps. they can't use... xDD
i'm sucha evil sister.
i'd better get the router up.
so i can use the com in the comforts of my own room.
i'm sinking into boredom.
i've gotta find some activity to do.
before i let my creative juices flow.
and my imagination go wild.
it'll be bad. detrimental to health.
hahas. ok. i over exaggerated.
but it gets bad... don't want it to.
i need my regular dose of fun and friends.
smile! you're on candid camera.
cheerios for now.
be back tonight. or when i feel like it. ; )
I'm missing you
Girl even though you're right here by my side
Cause lately it seems
The distance between us is growing too wide
I'm so afraid that you're saying it's over
It's the last thing that I wanna hear
Chorus:
But if your heart's not in it, for real
Please don't try to fake what you don't feel
If love's already gone
It's not fair to lead me on
Cause I would give the whole world, for you
Anything you ask of me, I'd do
But I won't ask you to stay
I'd rather walk away
If your heart's not in it
You say that you love me
But baby sometimes
You're just saying the words
If you've got something to tell me
Don't keep it inside
Let it be heard
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
Stand my ground, I wont give in
No more denying, I got to face it
Won't close my eyes and hide the truth inside
If I dont make it, someone else will
Stand my ground
It's all around
Getting stronger, coming closer
Into my world
I can feel
That it's time for me to face it
Can I take it?
Though this might just be the ending
Of the life I held so dear
But I won't run, there's no turning back from here
CUNT.
just felt like saying that.
i'm filled with anger!
-growls.
why do you keep lying to me?
evidence is right smacked in your face.
it's about time to move on.
we should. why are you holding me back.
you've got her now. why do you still want me?
you can't be bothered to meet me,
you cant be bothered to keep your promises.
what the FUCK for?!
ugggh. i'm fuming mad.
it's ok.
breathe mary ann BREATHE.
ahhhh...
there are many other things in life to be happy for.
my friends especially.
i don't need YOU.
you're just the root of all my problems.
you make me bleed more.
just get outta my sight and join your mat gang.
ANYWAYS,
speaking bout mats. (not referring to anything religious)
i've learnt to accept others' religions.
though i still find some practices ridiculous..
but what the heck.
i still hafta respect it if i want my friends.
so yeaps. there goes. hari raya puasa my malay mates.
i was happy the whole day.
but i just blew it.
goddamnit.
quit playing games larhhs.
it's infuriating.
ugggggh!
ohhhohhh!
i just remembered something.
my dad wants me to pick up golf.
knowing that it's my hols right now..
and he's trying to learn a new swing,
he's dragging me to the range.
danngs. i don't mind really.
but then again i wanna continue sailing.
hahas. i'll do both.
lalalala.
oh yeah. and the other thing
bout my dad wanting me to pick up golf,
he wants me to meet people at the club.
urrms. i don't mean the old folks.
he wants me to meet peeps my age.
and yes. we all know. peeps at clubs...
rich kids and smart alecs.
hahahas. not a bad idea huhh?
considering there're quite a bit of hot guys at my club.
blarrghs. i shall shut up.
but i'm pretty game on it. all hyped.
well oh well.
i think i've a lot more to say bout stuff.
but i'm just gonna end here.
cheerios peeps. chinese,
DON'T date malay guys.
they time girls like hell.
lalalala. i'm just stereotyping.
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
had fun with amanda today.
never fail to with her around.
din get to meet him today.
but it's okae. still had my fun.
and that's what's keeping the smile.
xDD
it's amazing how people change.
i've realised that my friends have changed so much.
ever since the last i met them,
they've changed in a way or another.
most of them, more havoc.
the rest, behaviour and stuff.
but it's cool.
there're more people like me now.
i realise that my good-two-shoes friends,
have been clubbing, drinking and smoking.
gawddamnit. when did they funk up?
but oh hells. it's great to have companions.
anyhows,
changes can bring more excitement huhh?
only thing is we've gotta learn to handle them.
if we don't, things get nasty...
and you lose your pals.
enough of bullshit.
i needa groove to some good music.
and good shit to share? *winks.
for some reason,
i've been in the best of moods lately.
just letting loose and enjoying myself.
woooohoooo! i just wanna scream and enjoy.
dance to some good music,
with the right company.
shake that BOOTY! *GRINS.
right. i'm gonna get WILD.
what's new? hahas.
alrighties peeps. DATE me.
i'm feeling the angst.
YOU WRETCH!
you killed that smile on my face.
you wiped it out with one blow.
THANKS A LOT.
and it was thanks to YOU,
that everything's going downhill for me.
FUCKED UP BITCH.
Monday, October 03, 2005
feel the imbalance in me.
my mind's uncontrollable.
it can reach heights unimaginable.
that aside...
my anger's getting outta hand.
right. i'm officially an angsty-bangsty ann.
that's what jill loves to call me,
when i get all angry and bitchy.
righto.
holidays can be great,
but it can also be hella boring.
please peeps. date me.
i've decided.
i think i'm gonna start blogging bout issues.
partially that and of cos, a little updates of my life.
just not too detailed till peeps fall asleep.
issue i have on hand.
surfer brands.
the reputation of it is going down.
like. DOWN.
i used to wear it and adore it back in sec sch.
but lately, it's been overtaken by the mats/minahs.
it's such an eyesore.
it's embarrassing walking into the store now.
and hell i swear it's infested with mats/minahs.
but anyways, i'm more into buying necessities only.
the rash guards are still worth buying.
the expensive shit actually.
cos they can't afford it.
been discussing this issue with friends.
and amanda and i have come to a conclusion.
we're gonna start wearing other brands.
and know what?
think i'm gonna start wearing FOX!
biker brand. x)
and i can get it cheap from the states.
cos my cousin works at a bike gear store.
oh wait. he's the manager so yea.
anyways,
i guess when i start surfing,
i cant avoid it.
but oh wells, i buy roxy from the states.
so you might not get it here. x) *smiles.
i yearn the sea. i wanna learn to surf.
and america! hell do i miss it loads.
IN N OUTS!
the best fast food on the entire planet!
i'm going bonkas.
but as you can see, my mood's improved.
thanks to a special someone.
*winks.
i'm still being precautious.
the tables can turn anytime.
like how they used to.
just playing safe. ;)
i'm lazy to blog on.
when i think of something, i'll revisit.
can't think of something cohesive now.
after all, i have loads of time to spare.
HOLIDAYS BABE!
tears of sadness,
tears of hurt,
tears of anguish,
tears of love.
which would you rather me shed?
lift up my soul.
bring it away from the darkness.
show it the light.
show it some love.
give it the meaning to live again.
speak no more of problems.
they come and go.
it's inevitable.
appreciation of the possessions in life,
becomes of utmost importance.
they give you a special feeling,
they give you the happiness you yearn.
if you'd open your eyes to see,
there are still many things worth being happy for.
as for me,
i've seen for myself.
there indeed ARE things worth being happy for.
your family.
your friends.
GOD. ;)
they are there whenever you need them.
we should stop being greedy.
live with what we have.
and BE satisfied.
hell oh hell.
i should stop preaching.
anyways,
i've been on a rollercoaster.
sounds familiar huhh?
but hell is it a scary one.
those who've been around would know.
it sure is quite a disaster.
but it's clearing.
i hope...
LISTEN TO "WITHIN TEMPTATION".
it's a UK band that sounds like evanescence.
but they're a bit more goth i think.
their songs sound prettaye much the same but it's good.
satisfies my empty soul. eeeerie.
cheerios for now peeps.
and no worries. i've learnt to soothe myself.
not gonna go all bonkas and berserk,
when i'm feeling down and out.
love ya peeps. keep enjoying. life's short.
Sunday, October 02, 2005
been out with amanda today.
she's a ball of fun.
pokes me laughing.
muahahahahhahas.
but it's good. stops me from thinking.
was towning (it's become my playground again).
den went for my seminar.
sweetie amanda waited for me.
den headed to east coast.
figured there wasn't much left in town.
so we'd just chill out at ecp,
since there's a direct bus there.
was crapping a whole lot,
reminiscing on the old times.
how bitchy we are,
how the ij tradition still runs in our blood.
it was just whacko! fun.
loved the old times.
and... now i'm home.
been thinking a whole lot.
is it all worth it?
the trust is gone.
the love? still there
is it worth continuing?
i'm not sure.
-pulls hair.
i'm quite a wreckage.
but thanks to those who have been there.
they really brighten up my day,
and take my mind off thinking bout YOU.
together = not together. woww.
i shall stop thinking.
and i will make sure i cure this insomnia.
i should move on right?
i think WE should.
it's not working out babe.
we love each other but it's not working out.
we lead very different lives.
we think pretty differently.
and things aren't exactly going smoothly.
why suffer the heart aches?
i don't know la.
I'M NOT GONNA THINK.
pffft. i wanna sleep. nights.
Saturday, October 01, 2005
i feel stupid.
seriously.
of all the mistakes i've made.
of all the blunders i've overlooked.
slap me goddamnnit.
i'm feeling crushed.
all alone.
it hurts darn bad to be ignored.
arhhhs. sheeesh.
speak no more.
i love,
i'll forgive.
happy anniversaryface it.
things will never be the same again.
PERIOD.
was just looking at friends' profiles on friendster.
all those nice little photographs.
so much happiness.
i'm just envious and pretty jealous.
when will i feel that joy again?
i'm deeply scarred.
i've slipped into depression.
my mind runs wild and it kills my soul.
i'm weakening by the minute.
love...
a painful or happy experience?
i'd say a mixture.
sometimes it hurts so bad,
sometimes it's just immaculate.
right now,
i love you.
i want you.
but can i have you?
like you YOU.
the real you.
grant me this one wish.
make me whole.
if you want me, tell me.
but if you want another, tell me too.
i'd let you go.
but i'll still be loving you.
i want the best for you.
that's what love is right?
i'm willing to let go for your happiness.
i'm struggling.
but i'll survive.
my mind causes me so much pain.
from the constant thoughts.
it will end. i'm sure it will.
make me stronger.
let me deal with it.
even if it was harsher than it already is.
for love we commit.
