Thursday, April 20, 2006
when will you ever know that it hurts when you say things like that? do you know that i care enough that whatever happens affects me? my grades went down last year because i was really affected by what's been happening. you keep wondering why i didn't do well. now you know. and when i thought things have improved, i guess i'm just so wrong. it's all PRETRENCE. i come to realise that's it's all a scam. now that hurts even more.
when you appear like you don't care, it scares me even more. what happened to the happiness and love we used to have? has it disappeared? what happened to the unconditional love? you refuse to come along with us when we go on outings. WHY? what's there to prove? you asked for more outings, you have it. why don't you come along then? you asked for things.. and when you get it, you simply don't comply. WHY?
i wonder if all that you said just now was just to make me turn my back on him. because if it is, then it's a very mean thing to do. because it really really hurt me and my dignity. he is one whom i've respected since young. and by doing that, you've just crushed me so badly. but if it wasn't, and if it was true, then i'm very disappointed. though i can't deny i already am.
i don't know what's going on right now. i hear snippets of events. but i can't seem to put the pieces together. they all seem so complicated. if you want to judge according to the past, then it's true that it's all happening. but if not, or if there's another reason behind it all, then i'd wish to know. but how? i'm so confused right now. so lost.
i'm just very very hurt by your words. you've made me feel so alone and unwanted. i miss the old days. if only that event a couple of years back didn't take place at all.. then maybe now, everything would just still be the same. SIGH.
thoroughly disappointed and deeply hurt.
signing out...
