Sunday, July 30, 2006
i was almost late for training today.
that's cos i only had 2 hours of sleep.
babes was too tired to burn the cds.
so i stayed up to burn...
and i was too tired to get up.
hahahas. we woke up late.
was supposed to meet kian tat at 730am
but guess what? he was still asleep too!
ahahas. all the sleepy pigs.
met kian tat at khatib mrt at 830am instead.
and then went to buy food near his place.
then cabbed down to poly marina cos we were late.
and me being late = bad impression.
so yeah.
daryl was super uber late man!
tsktsktsk. bad boy! sleep early la!
i must say my sailors have improved.
in terms of punctuality and efficiency.
everything went smoothly.
we managed to launch on time.
sadly. the storm approached.
but we had good winds for a bit.
wanted to stay out at sea.
but the lightning struck too near.
that means cat 1...
so we have to ask them to recover.
did maintenance on shore...
and stock check for pulau hantu expedition.
did an interview...
to find a replacement for assistant logistics I/C.
that's cos mel stepped down.
so yeaps. benjamin's now the asst log I/C.
good luck and do a good job k?
do me proud.
oh yeah. we rigged up the 420!
everything should be in working order.
oh man!!! i'm gonna sail the 420 to pulau hantu!
YEAHYEAHYEAH. xD
i'd better go now.
gotta call babes. xD
and so i rushed and met nis at parkway.
but before that i went to buy 4d for babes.
almost forgot man! HENG.
i brisk walked all the way to lorong lew lian.
took the 4d paper and joined the queue.
there were so many people.
trying to beat the 6pm closing time.
so i checked the numbers in the queue.
lucky i brought my pencil case along.
cabbed down to parkway.
was so friggin late...
and yet traffic was a bitch.
jean pang seh-ed us.
when i got there,
we did some shopping.
and so i finally bought the tube from dorothy perkins.
i finally had cash with me..
and they had it in my size.
sadly, there wasn't two in my size and in different colours.
so i could only buy one.
or i could've gotten a 20% discount.
and then i went over to u2.
wanted to buy that "double" top.
but in the end it didn't look nice.
so i ditched it.
and bought berms instead.
yummy. it looks nice.
i wanna get it in black and beige.
i only got the white one.
went to starbucks to chill after that.
but i didnt stay there for long.
cos my dad was about to leave...
he had to send a car back to jcc..
and he din wanna make another trip wbacl.
so sadly. i had to pang seh nisa.
i'm so sorry babe.
i swear i'll make it up to you k?
SORRY! *kowtows.
so we left for jcc.
got there, dad's friend's son wasn't there yet.
so we went to the pub to have some beer.
dad was hungry and thirsty.
within 15mins, we all finished 2 jugs of beer.
then we left for home to pick my mom up.
dad sped all the way... 160km/h. SHIOK!
headed to brewerkz.
me and babes had fish and chips,
dad and mom shared a steak,
justin had lamb meat.
ordered a jug of indian pale ale
and wheat ale.
after awhile ernest joined us...
he ordered a rib eye steak.
and when it came,
we all attacked his food.
poor boy.
luckily he had something to eat before he came.
actually, he came cos of the beer.
and guess what?
they caught him drinking and asked for his ID.
lucky thing my dad tried to cover up for him.
it was hilarious man. xD
i love my dad la. he's amusing.
i love my mom too.
she was being a comedian.
hahas. on top of justin already being one.
had a ball of a time laughing my ass off.
yeah. i was bloated with food and beer..
and of cos... LAUGHTER.
dad's assistant came shortly after.
she ordered a spring chicken.
and had some beer.
then my dad ordered a jug of golden ale.
that's my faourite. xD
I LOVE BREWERKZ!
take me there again.
i'll be a very happy girl.
came back to my place after...
packed my stuff.
and babes and i cabbed back to his place.
he's so tired from work today.
and he's fast asleep already.
i'm still up burning cds for my mom.
baby was supposed to do it but he's too tired.
so i'm taking over his duty. xP
i'm gonna upload the photos from
today's dinner in the next entry.
right now im sending the photos
from my phone to baby's com via his bluetooth device.
i'll upload when i'm done.
that's it for now. ciaos. goodnights.
Saturday, July 29, 2006
HAHA. it's funny.
babes started working for my dad today.
i stayed over at his place last night.
brought mee siam over for him and his family..
my mom cooked for them.
and they loved it. hahas.
his mom said it was better than the chong pang one.
the one she always eats.
i'm glad they loved it.
my mom made it specially for him.
if not for him, my mom wouldnt have cooked.
and i wouldn't have gotten to eat her mee siam.
was kinda craving for it.
it's been a long time since my mom cooked it. xD
slept late, woke up early.
i couldn't wake up.
baby said he woke me up at 6.20am.
i swear i din hear him wake me up.
HAHAHA.
in the end he fell back asleep..
and we didnt wake up till like.. 7am?
and that was the time we should ALREADY left his place.
so we rushed and rushed and left the house in a hurry.
he had to go to toa payoh to offer prayers first.
so we rushed there...
while he went up to his grandparents' place,
i went to buy chwee kuey for breakfast.
bought 6 packets of 8...
hahahas. took a long time for the aunty to pack.
by the time she was done, baby was long done.
so he came to meet me at the coffee shop.
cabbed back to my place.
he was worried he was going to late..
kept asking me what if he was late.
hahahas.
he had to be at my place by 8.30am.
cos he was hitching a ride from my dad.
came to my place EARLY instead.
and he din dare to come in.
cos his mom said he's not supposed to go to people's homes.
for 49 days after the passing of his great grandmother.
i told him it's ok.
and my mom doesn't mind.
cos we're not superstitious after all.
and we do not follow these practices.
so he finally came in.
and sat on the couch downstairs.
think he din dare to come upstairs.
HAHAHAS. funny lah.
i went up to my parent's room.
to ask if my bro was gonna work today.
but he was still dilemmatic.
cos his girl friends bugged him
to go with them to pulau ubin today.
and he sorta promised them..
so yeah. he din go in the end.
justin decided to work instead.
hahahas.
my dad was quite weary of him though.
suspecting his ability to work.
well. it's hard labour i'd say..
polishing cars. it's quite a feat.
but yeah. justin's got more stamina than ernest.
something my dad doesn't quite know.
but yeah. nevertheless, my dad gave him a chance.
he always does. to prove ourselves. =)
love my dad.
so babes has company today.
and he called me just now.
WITH MY DAD'S PHONE.
i thought something happened to him..
and my dad was calling me to inform me.
but nahhs. he was driving my dad's car.
had to go pump the tyres.
so he called me with my dad's car phone.
FUNNY.
oh wells.
i'd better get my ass of the chair.
gotta go get ready.
gonna meet nis and jean at parkway.
hahas. and join my dear bf, dad and bro for dinner after their work.
can't wait to hear their first experience.
coolness. =)
Thursday, July 27, 2006
kian tat WHACKED me! OUUUUHHHH!!!
it hurts so bad and my hands are soooo RED!
gosh. he slammed my hand and i burst into tears. =/
tsktsk. tat tat... how can you WHACK girls?
anyways, i'm going off to my cousin's soon.
gonna give her tuition.
long day today. but glad it's over.
i hate school.
school stinks.
but i love SPSYC. ;)
always brings me joy.
enough for today.
my hands still hurt =(
YESYESYES!
i passed my basic theory test!
and i have my provisional driving license(PDL) already!
which means... i can start taking driving lessons!
YAYYY!
hahas. the long awaited has arrived man.
been dreaming for this day to come...
i bought baby new havaianas slippers.
the old ripcurl ones i bought him wore out so quickly...
and if i din get him a new pair... he'll slip and fall one day.
and of cos i wouldn't want that to happen.
so as soon as i had money,
i found the time to head down to town to get him slippers.
yeap. so i did so after i PASSED my basic theory test. xD
my dad was funny when i told him that i passed.
hahahas. kinda cracked me up a bit.
and yes... while on the way to school today,
my dad was talking about the baby's job.
ahh yes... for those of you wondering..
he's gonna be working for my dad as of this sat.
yeap.
at first my dad din know where to place him.
eventually he came up with something "radical" (as quoted by him)
so here goes:
- train him to polish cars really well (in other words the whole process - to understand why certain things are done and the way they are done)
- once he's good at it, teach him sales.
- train him up till he's good enough
- my dad wants to expand to australia (sydney)
- that's because his friend filled him in on the opportunity
- he's looking into it... and if confirmed...
- he'll need someone reliable.
- so... baby'll be sent over to take charge of the branches there (BIG BOSS SIA)
- and since i wanna go there and study, i will follow and study full time.
- at the same time help out when i can
- and baby can study part time while working.
WONDERFUL PLAN RIGHT?
gosh. my dad trusts him...
and that's a big deal you know?!
hahahas. i was rather elated in fact.
it's exciting and intriguing.
my dad APPROVES of him! wheeeee! xD
Monday, July 24, 2006
i feel scared. literally. of everything.
i've reached rot bottom i think.
i can't seem to pick myself up.
i just want to say sorry.
sorry to everyone.
i'm lost.
i don't wanna seek sympathy.
but i can't help it anymore.
i really don't know what to do.
i feel so EMPTY, so LOST, so CONFUSED.
please help me.
i've lost the will power...
i've lost the motivation...
the soul is willing but the flesh is VERY WEAK.
HELPPP! =(
i've never felt so helpless before.
i've never reached this state before.
but it has happened, i can't deny.
i really don't know what to do anymore.
i need you. all of you.
Friday, July 21, 2006
everything's fine now. the matter has blown over and things are back to normal. to those who were worried, sorry to worry you guys.
to those who showed concern... thanks... ;) it's appreciated. i was just very angry and yeah. i've cooled down.
i'm just so tired now... zzzzzz...
Thursday, July 20, 2006
i just can't take it anymore.
i've told you more than once...
but have you ever really listened?!
cos you just keep repeating the same mistakes!!!!
why can't you just SPEAK YOUR MIND?
and why can't you make your OWN DECISIONS?!
it's so bloody annoying to hear a "dunno" & "up to you"
and always having to decide.
why can't you just TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT?
why do you have to keep me guessing?
it's not fun to leave a person guessing.
you know how suspense can get to a person.
why can't you TAKE YOUR GF'S SIDE?
and make her feel better when she's irritated/annoyed/angry?
don't you wanna make her feel better & happier?
can't you say something to comfort her?
instead of remain silent and just leave her talking,
without comforting/consoling her?
arghhhs.
you complain i don't talk to you.
but when i talk to you.. what do i get?
irratated and annoyed. WHY?
cos instead of helping me feel better,
you make me feel worse!
you lecture me instead of comforting me!!!
ARGHHHHS.
it's been accumulating and i can't take it anymore.
it's not that i haven't told you before.
i've told you so many times!
but it's still the same. you won't change!
when i tell you to stop doing something,
you just go against me and keep doing it.
initially it's fun... but too much is just damn IRRITATING.
do you understand english? STOP.
haven't you heard the saying?
everything should be done in moderation.. too much is NO GOOD.
it applies here as well...
and when we quarrel and i start ignoring you,
must you tell the whole world about it?
worse off... telling my brothers and mother...
like what the hell?
you want the whole world to know about our quarrel is it?
have you thought about what they'll do?
you wanna make me a laughing stock is it?
you wanna get back at me is it?
FINE LAH.
arghs. fuck it man. i'm gonna stop here. thinking about it makes my blood boil even more.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
hey baby... this post is going out to you... you've lost your most dearest tai ma and i know you're very depressed right now... all i wanna say is to be strong alright? this may have been the best for her in all her sufferings. look at it on the brighter side. she has finally found her peace. of cos it hurts to lose someone you love. but life goes on yeah?
whatever it is, i'll always be here for you. just do what you must... i'll still be here waiting for you. if you ever need me, i'm just a phone call away. if you need me by your side, i'll be there right away. just want you to know you're very precious to me and how you feel affects me adversely. i love you sweetie.
life is so fragile...
Monday, July 17, 2006
it's been some time since i've gotten this feeling. but i'm certain it spells "paranoia". probably the result of excessive thinking(why do i always bring it upon myself?)
i fear the worst... i think of uncompatibility... i suggest the past.... maybe this... maybe that... will you stop churning thoughts BRAIN? uggh.
maybe i'm just jealous. I CAN'T HELP IT. =(
you're sad. i'm sad. i feel depressed.
dependency? maybe.
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
after a gruelling day, i've finally completed my uccd presentation. i felt i did fairly well. cos i missed out the overview of the whole presentation. danngs. but i think i did well for the other aspects of the presentation. so i'm pretty much satisfied. i've gotta work real hard for uccd cos i din submit the 1st CA. yeahhh... so i've really gotta do really well. xP
so... one load off my shoulder... now i've to slog it out for all the reports that are due this friday. danngs. it sucks. but after that.. i can take a short breather before i start mugging for the exams. it's gonna be crucial cos i need to score well to bring my grades up... i've not been doing well. so yeah. explains it all...
and above that, i wanna prove to two particular lecturers that their existence doesnt make much of a difference to me.. i wanna make them feel like their the lousiest man. do meddlesome and annoying. pick on me right? see what you get LA. oh wells. just a moment of anger. xP
cant wait for training tmr. before that we'll be having committee meeting. a bit of a need for a thrash talk so tmr's meeting's gonna be very important. =S i dont know what to expect also. but there are quite a lot on my mind that i wanna express to the others. yeap.
lalala... i'm starving.. gonna go down and get some food before i start working on my ssm project with my other group mates. ;) tatas.
Monday, July 10, 2006
how can one issue just make everything fall apart? i've done my part.. i tried.. but two unwilling parties are just gonna cause things to crumble and a lot of things to turn bad... i can see the future being very tough for several people involved. it hurts... but what choice have i and us? siggh...
when i thought things could turn for the better, it peaked and started tumbling so quickly. it's breaking me. so bad... bad things just come all at one go. talk about having a great teenage life.. i'm 18 and i can say i've gone through quite a bit. i thought i was happy but actually i'm hurting and bleeding inside. not really by the things i've done but by the doings of others that have cut me deep. i can't do anything about it if they're unwilling to make an effort or if they decide to give up so soon. all i can say is... quite a few people are gonna suffer in this process. sigghh..
arghs. i don't wanna talk about it. it makes me feel so sad and makes me wanna just cry.
1) school's a chore. i hate it. and im doing badly at school.
2) i lost several friends.
3) some people are not happy with me.
4) my family's a bitch.
5) i seem to have so many problems i'm just getting overly temperamental.
6) both of my grandmothers are very ill.
7) insufficient funds kill me.
8) life simply sucks.
ARGHS. FUCK IT.
Friday, July 07, 2006
anger gets a hold on me... i'm so easily irritable these days... it's about time i did something about it. what is it that's bothering me? why is it that i can't be as carefree as before? i'm been neglecting my work and just can't seem to find the motivation to do anything relating to school... other than stuff that's for my sailing club. siggh.
there's like a devil and angel entwined inside me. at times i just wanna do well... i wanna prove to others that i'm not that bad after all.. but then the devil intervenes and holds me back. well i think THAT's annoying me. what happened to that overflowing motivation i once had? why is it that my endurance level have dipped? why is it that i can't seem to find that inspiration and motivation to go about doing things i said i'd do. arghhs. what's happening to me?
oh wells... i guess at times people just fall... though i feel like i've fallen into an abyss... falling and falling and never being able to arise... rarr...
anyways, yesterday with jean was great. she always perks me up. she's my babe. thanks babe. i always enjoy the times i share with you. it's amazing how we can not talk for so long, but have millions of things to talk about and share with each other everytime we meet up. and we never feel uncomfortable around each other however much we may change. i guess that's what bestfriends are eh? ;) thanks for always being there for me whenever i needed someone to talk to. all the memories we shared... it's unforgettable. too memorable...
and baby.. i'm sorry i was vulgar towards you... i didn't mean it. it just came out.. and i was angry... yea. it was still my fault for certain things and i apologise yeah? *huggs. i love you... sorry i din even bother to ask how you were when you slipped and fell down the stairs. i guess i was too engulfed in my own anger that i simply didn't wanna bother. i do care ok? i hope you're alright now.
blogging to me these days seem like such a chore. probably because i can't find enough time to blog and i'm lazy. yes.. lazy.. that's what i am. i am TOO lazy in fact. i need to get rid of that laziness. the worm in me is growing too fat and big. to a point that i eat too much and i've grown fatter and i'm SOOOO lazy to do everything. uggh. i hate myself... *groans.
what a phase in life. i hate it. =(
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
i look back and i realise that the thoughtless words and actions of mine has taken its effect on others and has taken a toll on me... i've started to realise that everyone perceives things differently.. and what i say or do really meant nothing much to me.. it's just a casual remark... however, others take it so seriously and may, to a certain extent, change their impression of you...
i've also realised that who you think may be your true friends may just turn their backs on you. most of the time, your TRUE friends are those you keep close to you in secondary school or from your childhood days.. they never leave your side and never fail to be there for you. MOST can keep your secrets and won't bitch behind your backs. they understand your situation or at least they make the effort to try... but others who have just gotten to know you don't see a need for this.. and that dampens the whole friendship. sad but true.
it's forced me to be so cautious when trusting others. in the past, trusting someone was easy.. but now.. it's so hard. being betrayed makes a person feel their lousiest. and i've been there... many times in fact. TRUST.. something so essential in any relationship. if it's so hard to come by, what does it say about the relationships these days? it's all turning sour.. people become suspicious of each other and things won't get done as easily and efficiently.
it's also sad how people assume things and don't bother to ask. and because of that, they steer away from you, leaving you to notice for yourself they've heard something about you or found out something that they disapprove of or dislike about you and guess what's been happening. this is an example of friends just disappearing in an instant without you understanding why. blame it on society's upbringing. probably also due to electronic communication devices that people nowadays are unable to express themselves in person. the thought of it is just saddening. in fact, i am guilty of it... but why must this be so? it makes the world so cold...
it's really hurting to see how things can change so quickly and put an end to all the happiness and joy. aches my heart to see my friends leave and judge me otherwise from the truth. why can one incident just smear one's reputation and take away all their happiness?
all i know is that i should try to keep my comments to myself or at least to people i know i can trust. this is the best way to keep myself out of trouble and in the bad books of others. a world without friends and family is one miserable life you'd lead and i do not want to end up that way. and who i choose as my trusted friends is very crucial. i have to select them wisely if i don't want to be hurt in the end.
i miss my secondary school days.. when all my other school mates were so open about things. the stuff we talked about, the things we used to do and how we went about it.. it just doesn't seem to be acceptable in other places. those were the days i needn't have to worry about how others would react and what i should say or do so that i won't be considered a martian and be neglected and ostracized. those were the days i didn't have shackles on my hands and legs. those were the days i experienced freedom. everyone was like me and we could accept each other. we still had our differences but we could live with it... but now... things have just changed so much. whyy?
there are so many questions i have that no one seems to be able to give me a definite answer. it's mind boggling and i just can't seem to get over it. siggh. sometimes ignorance is bliss. trials and tribulations.. they're so difficult to avoid in this testing world.
my patience has been put to the test.. and i'm almost exploding. but i reckon it's time for me to learn to ignore the irritance and annoyance of others and just let it go... holding on to it just makes me feel worse.. whatever for?
oh wells. enough ranting. all i can say is that though this world may seem dull, awful and cold at times, there is always something that you can feel happy and delighted for. and that would be my family, best of friends and my darling bf. baby, thanks for being there for me when i was at one of my lowest points in life. when i felt so alone, you were there to motivate me, encourage me and keep me going.. this may sound cliche but if it wasn't for you, i would still be a piece of depress shit that would have given up eons ago. thanks! i love you!
it is so important that we treasure our love ones and not take them for granted.. you don't know how long they'll live and when they'll have to leave you... don't regret it.. treasure them and every single moment you have with them.
live with no regrets.
