Tuesday, July 04, 2006
i look back and i realise that the thoughtless words and actions of mine has taken its effect on others and has taken a toll on me... i've started to realise that everyone perceives things differently.. and what i say or do really meant nothing much to me.. it's just a casual remark... however, others take it so seriously and may, to a certain extent, change their impression of you...
i've also realised that who you think may be your true friends may just turn their backs on you. most of the time, your TRUE friends are those you keep close to you in secondary school or from your childhood days.. they never leave your side and never fail to be there for you. MOST can keep your secrets and won't bitch behind your backs. they understand your situation or at least they make the effort to try... but others who have just gotten to know you don't see a need for this.. and that dampens the whole friendship. sad but true.
it's forced me to be so cautious when trusting others. in the past, trusting someone was easy.. but now.. it's so hard. being betrayed makes a person feel their lousiest. and i've been there... many times in fact. TRUST.. something so essential in any relationship. if it's so hard to come by, what does it say about the relationships these days? it's all turning sour.. people become suspicious of each other and things won't get done as easily and efficiently.
it's also sad how people assume things and don't bother to ask. and because of that, they steer away from you, leaving you to notice for yourself they've heard something about you or found out something that they disapprove of or dislike about you and guess what's been happening. this is an example of friends just disappearing in an instant without you understanding why. blame it on society's upbringing. probably also due to electronic communication devices that people nowadays are unable to express themselves in person. the thought of it is just saddening. in fact, i am guilty of it... but why must this be so? it makes the world so cold...
it's really hurting to see how things can change so quickly and put an end to all the happiness and joy. aches my heart to see my friends leave and judge me otherwise from the truth. why can one incident just smear one's reputation and take away all their happiness?
all i know is that i should try to keep my comments to myself or at least to people i know i can trust. this is the best way to keep myself out of trouble and in the bad books of others. a world without friends and family is one miserable life you'd lead and i do not want to end up that way. and who i choose as my trusted friends is very crucial. i have to select them wisely if i don't want to be hurt in the end.
i miss my secondary school days.. when all my other school mates were so open about things. the stuff we talked about, the things we used to do and how we went about it.. it just doesn't seem to be acceptable in other places. those were the days i needn't have to worry about how others would react and what i should say or do so that i won't be considered a martian and be neglected and ostracized. those were the days i didn't have shackles on my hands and legs. those were the days i experienced freedom. everyone was like me and we could accept each other. we still had our differences but we could live with it... but now... things have just changed so much. whyy?
there are so many questions i have that no one seems to be able to give me a definite answer. it's mind boggling and i just can't seem to get over it. siggh. sometimes ignorance is bliss. trials and tribulations.. they're so difficult to avoid in this testing world.
my patience has been put to the test.. and i'm almost exploding. but i reckon it's time for me to learn to ignore the irritance and annoyance of others and just let it go... holding on to it just makes me feel worse.. whatever for?
oh wells. enough ranting. all i can say is that though this world may seem dull, awful and cold at times, there is always something that you can feel happy and delighted for. and that would be my family, best of friends and my darling bf. baby, thanks for being there for me when i was at one of my lowest points in life. when i felt so alone, you were there to motivate me, encourage me and keep me going.. this may sound cliche but if it wasn't for you, i would still be a piece of depress shit that would have given up eons ago. thanks! i love you!
it is so important that we treasure our love ones and not take them for granted.. you don't know how long they'll live and when they'll have to leave you... don't regret it.. treasure them and every single moment you have with them.
live with no regrets.
