Tuesday, October 10, 2006
life's like a whirl.
especially when you have headaches.
everything seems so blurry.
recalling actions during this period can be a sore.
but sometimes people force you to.
without a choice, you have to.
thinking about the stuff i have done,
good and bad...
i have my fair share of mistakes.
"modelling the way"..
sometimes the going gets tough.
but i feel that as long as i press on,
the results should be worth it.
is it really worth it at the end of it?
i have my doubts.
painstaking efforts i have made.
have they ever been appreciated?
the late nights i've spent,
the hours i've planned...
it is even worthwhile?
cos at the end of it...
all i get are people i trust..
who start talking behind my back.
and all they do and criticize...
even the closest of my friends..
stinging it may feel.
what choice have i?
sometimes i wonder...
is it that difficult to live a life?
i try to help.
but i get reprimanded for my efforts.
why should i try?
at times i just feel like giving up.
but i don't have the heart to.
because i know i want to help.
maybe i just shouldn't care too much.
"hao xin mei hao bao" <- should i believe this statement?
is it really wrong to be too close to someone?
queries flood my mind this instant.
but answers are nowhere near satisfiable.
argghs.
sometimes i just don't want to be me.
i just want to thank a special someone...
someone who has been by my side all these while.
supporting me, pointing out my mistakes,
and helping me work on myself.
this someone is very close to my heart.
and never gives up on me. thanks.
he is someone who will never talk behind my back.
and confront me with the issues he have with me.
and i appreciate him for being this way.
because i know he cares.
unlike the others who appear to.
but only give me that sense of betrayal.
he is no other than my dearest boyfriend, jun khee
thanks for being there all these while baby,
my pillar of support.
i also wanna thank my bestfriend.
she never judges me.
despite the changes in me..
she never despise my actions.
neither does she criticize me.
when i err, she's there to correct,
only building upon our friendship,
never giving up, never failing.
true friends don't come easy...
and i thank her for being her.
yeap, and she's no other than jean.
another friend of mine,
that stays close to my heart..
one of the closest of closest friends.
she too, has never given up on me.
despite the physical distance that may have grown...
our friendship has never soured.
the trust we have,
the understanding and the forgiveness,
others can never experience.
thanks for being you, jill.
to all those who i consider true friends,
thanks for being yourself.
it is you who keep true to your word.
and not act so FAKE.
you guys mean the world to me.
to the sailors whom i thought was family.
i am disappointed...
but i won't give up.
maybe one day you guys will realise.
just one day...
(i am hurt by what i've heard but i'll forgive and let it pass)
to my family,
the closest to my heart.
thanks for everything you've given to me.
especially the unconditional love,
that never seems to end,
that you have showered upon me throughout my lives.
I LOVE YOU!
what more can i say?
trials and tribulations..
sigh. i hope i only emerge stronger.
