- janellestarr *

Monday, October 29, 2007

My grandmother has gone home to the lord this morning at abut 5.30am. She has been lifted off all her sufferings that she's been thru the past 1 year or so. Please keep her in your prayers. She is a beautiful lady with a kind heart and she's always so loving to all her children and grandchildren. May she rest in peace and be with god in happiness eternally.

If you wish to pay your last respects, she will be resting at Blk 633 Hougang Ave 8. Should you require directions, feel free to call me.

Thanks.

i love you mama... i will always remember you... i will pray for you... and i will take care of myself...

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

lecture got cancelled but i got no news of it. damn sad. could have slept in longer. danngs. so now i'm just waiting for MR lecture which i cannot afford to skip anymore. :) i shall be a good girl. i made a pact with baby that for every lesson i skip now onwards, i owe him $5. i hope i won't become so poor.

when i told him that... he said that since last time till now i owe him hundreds. basket. cannot be more lenient HUHH. pffft.

wei lu's not going for gems today. so i'm all alone. i think i will cabot after i sign the attendance. muahahaha. cos today is lecture. and nobody cares. i tell you. all the guys just leave after signing the attendance. and he doesnt friggin care. how cool is that. i was telling wei lu... "eh... why don't we just leave.. so tempting right?" that was the lecture before last. however, we were good girls. and wei lu came late. so i din want to waste her trip to class. least she made the effort. well done babe.

i'm still deciding whether to go out with jas and ger later. hahahas. if they crash my gems i don't mind. wait for me to sign attendance and run. muahahahahs. evil eyes.

suddenly, i'm just reminiscing the times spent at poly marina. it's so so memorable. that's the part i'm going to miss most when i leave poly. rarr.... all the overnights. all the shit... all the fun.. all the stress... omg! it's going to end. and i don't want it to. i want to spend more nights with the sailors... talking cock... partying... drinking... getting drunk... cleaning puke. er no. not that. hahas. please take that out. GUYS GROW UP. LEARN TO HOLD YOUR ALCOHOL. i don't enjoy cleaning puke. but yeah. you get the gist. it's all FUNFUNFUN!

did i ever mention that sailing and the sailors was the thing that kept me going in poly? i mean. without it... i think i would have died by now. i would have like wanted to quit school a loong looong time ago. a lot of times i question myself whether i'm heading in the right direction. whether coming to poly was the right thing or not. should i have gone to a jc? where all my friends say i belong? because i know for sure i can study when i want to. i hate all those project works. all the shit you put up with. and mind you, i do learn a lot from it. not that i don't value those experiences but perhaps going to jc... then on to uni is maybe still very much the preferred route. damn it. i'm just uncomfortable because i'm out of my comfort zone. so i'm going to SHUT UP about it. ACCEPT IT IN YOUR FACE MARY ANN JANELLE LEE. NO ONE FORCED YOU TO CHOOSE POLY BUT YOURSELF. SO LIVE WITH IT.

and did i mention i may give college a miss? yeap. i may. or maybe take it part-time as i work. i'm all geared up to start my business. minus the research and the reading up. yeap. and of cos the official networking and learning. i kinda have a rough skeleton of what i want to do. so yeap. and i'm so glad my dad's pretty supportive. i thought he wouldn't be.. just like how my aunt put me down saying that that industry is tough. hell with tough. where's the challenge when it isn't tough. bring it on man. it's my passion. you can't bring me down. lest i bring YOU down. :) but then again, thanks to my ever convincing tongue, i managed to convince my aunt that. HEY! that's what i want to do and you're not going to stop me. i know what it's like and that's exactly what i want to do and where i want to be. and guess what she said? "i'm waiting for your business proposal". isn't so AWESOME?

actually, i must be very thankful for my family. i'm blessed. whenever i need support, i get it. even when they are skeptical... all it takes it's some soft coercing and some love and well, some intelligence. they'll either do it because they're totally convinced or they just love you they want to help you. even if they know you will fail. i'm not saying i'm going to fail cos i'm going to make sure i so won't. :)

damn. that's really a whole shit of ranting early in the morning. oh yes. i'm an afternoon baby. i was born at 2pm and i guess that explains why i'm not a morning person. pffft. heh. i think i must thank that bowl of prawn mee that made me oh-so-absolutely FULL to the brim.

and then again, it's probably the bitch instinct. yeap. it's day 1. fwahahaha. that's enough for now. would love to catch a movie before my next class starts. though fc6 is getting noisy but heck with it. movies rawk my life.... absolutely phenomenally. SMILE. i'm in that mood. xD

baby... i'm with you... by your side.. always supporting you. be strong. i love you.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

i had a blast at yesterday's physical training. it is by far the most satisfactory physical training i have attended. it is only because i have not been training so far and well, it has to be attributed to the fantastic weather yesterday.

honestly, it was wonderful for exercising and it was just motivational for me to well, lose weight and train myself up! so we kept going at a slow pace around the school. for one length of the school, i felt no fatigue (which i usually do and so that's an improvement) but when we started going uphill, damn the exhaustion hit. and my thighs were just killing me (the leftover aches from sunday's physical training). thank god i brought my towel along and i wound it around my hands and bit on it. i knew i had to break through it. i knew i had to get that numbness which you would get by maximising your muscles. and goddamnit, i PULLED THROUGH! freakin achievement man!

so many times i kept feeling like giving up. but seeing all the rest also pushing themselves, i just kept pressing on. my legs were going to collapse i tell you. it was crazy! by the time we got in front of the school of business, the sky was overcast and i knew we werent going to make it on time so i told them to cut through the school instead of running on its perimeters. going uphill again was a mere torture! while we were running in a pack, i knew i couldnt take it no more if i were to continue at that pace, so i sped up and ran the stairs like there was no tomorrow, making jumps so that my thighs don't hurt as much! omg, reaching the peak was like heaven... from that moment, everything was like over! cos it was slow pace, downhill and back to our starting point! PUUUURRRRFECT! we made it! and especially joo ting, who was sick, you were fantastic girl! you never gave up!

after that we continued running one more round of the track while ben and daryl did two. then it was to the gym for some weights. we only have 10mins so it was just enough to do 1 set of twenties. then it was outside the gym to do some static. crunches, balancing, v-hole, buddha claps! weeee... we had so much fun and everyone of us just felt so motivated to do more pt! yeahh! ben also said that at this rate, more people will just join us for training and it's alright to start small. yeah that's the way ben! the optimism.. i like..

PT again this sunday! somehow just can't wait for it. the motivation to exercise and push myself is back! yeahhhhh! determination leads to success! all the way guys! you rawk my life! :)

surprisingly, when i expected my thighs to hurt even more, haha. it's not hurting much! weee. it's like so much better already! yeah. i feel like running later.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

well, the medication i've been on isn't the most comfortable kinda medication. it makes my muscles go weak and i just feel so numb. and guess what? the medicine supposedly makes me get gastrics. and there's this other medicine to counter that. but i guess it's not working well enough. pffft.

meeting went pretty well today. lots of events coming up! Sailing Experience Camp and Interaction Camp! yayy! :) more time together with my sailors.

i feel so fat i just want to lose weight. i hope with all the physical trainings back in place, that could help me lose some fair bit of weight. i've been trying to control my diet lately. i hope i can lose weight. i'm so sick of being fat... it makes me feel clumsy and lazy and lousy. i miss my body before. at least i wasn't so fat. and at least i was comfortable with myself and with a lot more confidence.

poor mummy's sick. get well soon mummy! i love you!

that's my mummy! isn't she cool? hahas. i love her!!! she's the best mummy on earth!

anyhows, i think it's about time i got down to thinking about what i want to do after graduation. about time i start to read up and decide on the things i want to do.

honestly, i think i have grown so much ever since entering poly. learning from different people, the vast difference between people from my secondary school and from others, the mentalities, planning and organising events, the independence and emotional rollercoaster, i think it has been an awesome experience. it wasn't always sweet, but it was the sweetest lesson i presume.

these were the growing years of my life. i'm still continuing to learn and i value this experience A LOT. i think it has groomed me to be a more knowledgeable, more understanding, more independent, emotionally stronger person and a better leader. a lot of times i think back and do regret a little not having taken the jc route. but i think if i haven't come to poly, i would never have experienced such a "in-your-face" growing-up experience.

i guess, in life, there are times where you are made to be thrown off-course so that you can learn life's lessons at its best. i really appreciate it. and i want to thank all those people whose lives has crossed paths with mine. if it wasn't for you guys, my life and i would not be what it is today.

then again, looking at all my friends, everyone has changed. be it for the better or worse, they have grown up in their own ways. sometimes it hurts to see how they alienate themselves from you but i guess that's part of growing up. people change and some just become a totally different person who cannot seem to associate themselves with you anymore. and that's where learning to let go comes into play. however, noticing those who have changed for the better, you're so happy for them that you feel like celebrating.. and for those who keep you close to your hearts, you know you've not made the wrong choice in befriending them.

i guess that's enough for today. i wanna watch TV. :)

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

is it that you guys don't care or just don't give a fuck? i wish i could do the same. but i'm not like you guys. i cannot not bother when it's been entrusted to me. don't you think it's utterly irresponsible to shrug your duties? sigh.

sometimes i wonder why i work so hard and bother so much. things could have been so much easier, i could have so much more time to myself. i wouldn't have to slog so hard and work my asses off, burning the midnight oil several times and falling sick and getting into squabbles and spending long hours with our officer trying to get things done for the club. there are so many things that you guys don't see me doing behind the scenes. if you really thing it's so easy like the snap of your fingers, i wouldnt mind letting you take over my position. go ahead. try it out. its not as easy as it seems. i try not to complain, but there's really a limit. i can't handle this on my own ya know.

events.. you guys rush there to enjoy yourselves.. but what about the shit work? who picks them up? who bothers to do the hard work of planning and making sure everything is in place and in order? what about the meetings? you guys RUN AWAY! where were you?!

i don't wanna say some more. i just feel so fed up. at the end, i will still have to keep on going. with or without you guys. i just wish you can hear me. i wish you can do something about your attitudes. NONE OF YOU EVER THOUGHT OF DOING THE JOB YOURSELF. in your minds, it's HE/SHE CAN DO IT. i'll just sit here and WATCH!!!!! don't you think you're so SELFISH?! when everyone slogs their asses off, you just sit there and watch and wait for someone else to do it. why can't YOU! take the shit up and clear it up?! arghhhs.

FUCCCK. stop being so selfish and be more understanding. there's work to be done. don't mix personal with work! GROW UP KIDS.

Monday, October 08, 2007

just for some laughs... this was what happened when i was talking to mel online and wanted to test out my webcam. hahas. it was kinda self entertainment. :)

my back is stiff and killing me with pain. =(

i'm stuck at my baby boy's place because of this aching back. it hurts so bad that when i move it hurts. =/ so i cooped myself in his place rather than going to school. i feel bad. nowadays when i skip sch, i just feel guilty. i'm sorry classmates.

arghs. im starting to feel MOOOODY. pfft. and there's nothing much for me to say. just that i feel regret and jealousy. seeing my friends in good universities and some going overseas. arggghs.

nevermind. i'll make it big. i know i will. i wish i was a rich girl...

xoxo,
Mary Ann

Thursday, October 04, 2007

i'm so bored now i could kill a cat.
ok no. i won't kill a cat...
but i just need something to do.
something that can keep me awake and out of boredom.

i'm in the biz library waiting for my baby to finish work. then i'll go over to SIM to meet him. it's way too early for me to go over now and i don't wanna wait there like an idiot. pfft. yes. at least in SP it feels more "homely" - if it's even homely in the first place. the only thing i like about the library is FREE PRINTING. but the damn printer is DOWN. so that suck balls. =( *sulks.

anyhows, i think the pre menstrual syndrome has hit. considering it's nearly a week more to the BLOODY due date. and i meant it LITERALLY for those dumb asses who can't figure it out. i'm so damn moody right now. chomp on me and i'll bite your head off.

i was just reading rachel's blog. my good friend from my secondary school days (not that she was from the same school as me) and i so agree with her about the stand of jc students on poly students. i totally feel it's really narrow-minded and MYOPIA-suffering(blame their books) for speaking of poly students in that light. i think that by whom they meet they should not generalise the rest of the population. i mean, look at it this way... why are high flyers in secondary school coming to polytechnics these days? not because they scored badly, can't speak good english, can't study, but more like they know what they want and they want it now. what i'd call, go-getters. and mind you, they do make it very well in life and in fact for some, better than those shallow jc students (and i'm not saying all jc students think this way cos my cousin doesn't - and i'm proud of him. way to go!)

it wasn't as though rachel or i couldn't get into a junior college, i think we would still be able to make it to jcs like acjc and sajc had it not been for our decisiveness and our goal-oriented mentalities. we knew what we want and there wasn't a need to spend another 2 years considering what our lives should turn out to be (which is the common excuse for those who choose to go to a jc) and we took charge of our lives - to go to a polytechnic and learn the ropes.

now, about the only difference i would say is the culture of the two types of institutions. there is no doubt that polytechnic students "MAY" be a little weaker linguistically. but that does not make the WHOLE population weak in ENGLISH. because honestly, I CAN SPEAK ENGLISH PERFECTLY FINE and i dare boast i can speak better english than some jc students. (a big question my jc friends ask - why i never went to a jc?) some jc students can't even speak proper english. so i think my dear friend, you're being a lil too myopia-ed to say that jc students are better speakers of the english language. perhaps for your school but that may not apply to the rest.

ok enough of ranting. i think that was could an earful. i went to meet mr kwok today and we had a brief chat. though it was a near 50min discussion. that's short for his meetings. but anyhows, he's giving us the green light for the life vests and it's almost a 99% sure get kinda thing. yayy! all applaude please. he's ok with repairing the broken-bow-ed lasers and replacing items (spars and foils - they're getting too old) and well, the next thing was the wish list. it's the list of things your club wishes to have and they will be thought about at the end of the ear (they get truckloads of budget surpluses - damn these stingy asses) but it's ok because that means we get expensive presents. now all say THANK YOU TO SAA! good people.

i bet you sense the bitchiness, the grumpiness, the moodiness and all the things relating to P-M-S. mmmhmmm. i'm sorry, but the raging hormones cannot be stopped. in fact, a good release would do me, and the people around me, some justice. so i apologise for all these crapiness but please do understand, it's nearing that time of the month. *winks.

i love you peeps, and thank you for your time.
(muahahahas. i sound like i was giving a speech)

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

hey guys, as i've promised, here comes the photos. first it's the photos for the pulau hantu sailing expedition. yeapp! :) i'll post again for the other photos. heh heh. enjoy!